Wednesday, December 13, 2006

Moonbat Quiz Time

Moonbat quiz time! Just a quick rule of thumb quiz for the rare blog viewer who wants to figure out where in the spectrum they fall.

1. The collapse of the Twin Towers in New York on 9/11/01 was caused by:
A: Mossad agents who planted bombs in the towers, then detonated them when the holographic projections of aircraft were shown striking the building, after first warning all the Jews in the towers not to show up for work (10 points).
B: CIA agents working for President Bush who planted bombs and detonated them when the aircraft hit. (8 points)
C: Aircraft piloted by special Mossad agents and loaded with explosives (5 points)
D: American commercial airliners hijacked by suicidal Moslem terrorists from the Middle East. (0 points)

2. The fire at the Pentagon that same day was caused by:
A: An Israeli cruise missile (10 points)
B: A US cruise missile (8 points)
C: A drone aircraft flown by the CIA (5 points)
D: An American commercial airliner hijacked by suicidal Moslem terrorists from the Middle East. (0 points)

3. The US invaded Afghanistan because:
A: To gain control of her mineral resources (10 points)
B: Because Russia paid the US to invade in revenge for the Russians failed invasion (8 points)
C: In order to secure an oil pipeline route for Bush’s Big Oil friends. (5 points)
D: Because the ringleader of the 9/11 attacks was there, and the government of Afghanistan refused to turn him over. (0 points)

4. Osama Bin Laden is presently located:
A: In France, where the Bush Administration is hiding him (10 points)
B: In southern Afghanistan, under Israeli protection (8 points)
C: In Pakistan, under Official Government Protection (5 points)
D: Hiding in southern Afghanistan, in a friendly village, and jumping whenever he hears a jet aircraft (0 points)
E: Dead, under a few million tons of rock in the Tora Bora region of Afghanistan (1 point)

5. The WMDs in Iraq were:
A: A total fiction. Iraq never had any chemical, biological or nuclear weapons or plans for making any of them. Iraq was a peaceful place until Jewish agents convinced Saddam to invade Kuwait. (15 points and you need professional help)
B: Saddam used to have chemical weapons way back during the Iraq-Iran war (which Iran started) purchased with a personal check from Dick Cheany, but they all spontaneously evaporated into harmless vapor as soon as the UN sent inspectors into the country after Gulf Aggression War I. (10 points)
C: Saddam used to have chemical weapons, but destroyed them all after the Iraq-Iran war. The chemical shells and rockets found recently were in reality a new form of long range agricultural spraying, used to eradicate the boll weevil from bases as far as 30 miles away from the infected fields. (8 points. And you should probably look up boll weevils)
D: Iraq used to have chemical weapons, destroyed them all under UN supervision, and only kept one or two hundred chemical and biological rockets and shells as personal mementos of the Valiant Struggle against Islamic Extremism, with full knowledge that they would never ever ever be filled with anything more dangerous than confetti. (5 points)
E: Saddam had chemical weapons, used them in the Iran-Iraq war, used them against the Kurds, lost a great number of them to American bombing in Gulf War I, destroyed a bunch to show the UN what a good guy he was, and had a certain number of them buried or sent to Syria during the invasion, along with most of his nuclear plans and biological warfare stocks and gear. (0 points)

6. The Republicans lost the elections of 2006 because:
A: The Democrats ideas were far superior, showing that their plans for winning in Iraq, cutting the deficit and taxes, and promoting democracy are widely loved by the American people. (8 points)
B: The Republicans have proven themselves to be lying weasels, who want to rob from the poor, pollute the environment, sell their influence in Government for campaign contributions and throw their friends in Saudi Arabia all of our money by keep us burning oil forever. (8 points)
C: The Americans have seen the war in Iraq as being a Miserable Failure and think the Democrats can win it better. (3 points)
D: Normal Americans are tired of the war and just want it to be over, do not like the way Republicans are out of control in spending, and do not like having an open border without enforcement in that order. (0 points)

7. The American Press is:
A: Scrupulously neutral in its treatment of issues, except for that right-wing partisan rag Fox News. (10 points)
B: Fairly good about showing what is really going on in the world, from Iraq to politics without any real bias except for the Jewish controlled newspapers (8 points)
C: A noble profession with a few notable flaws, but generally a good way to keep up on real news, not like those out-of-control bloggers (5 points)
D: A poor shadow of a formerly good institution, who has sold their integrity for instant ratings and mindless schlock, willing to accept and repeat any news that makes Bush look bad without question, but unable to report the whole truth. (0 points)

8. The first priority of the Democratic Congress in 2007 should be:
A: Minimum wage increases so that nobody needs to live in poverty, and we can all get paid a Living Wage (11 points)
B: Defunding the War (12 points)
C: Lobbying reform, so those out of work Republicans can not come back and talk to their former colleagues. (5 points)
D: Social Security Reform, by raising taxes (10 points)
E: Voting the Bush Tax Cuts away retroactively, so those fat cats are forced to pay their fair share (8 points)
F: Bringing Iraq’s neighbors to the bargaining table so they can take part in peacekeeping activities (10 points, 15 if you count Iran in this)
G: Impeaching Bush for getting us into this war (15 points)
H: All of the above (50 points)
I: Push through legislation to reduce earmarks in budgets to a small number and make it mandatory to show the congress member who introduced the earmark (0 points)
J: Push through legislation making it mandatory to show the source of campaign funds on a candidate’s web site BEFORE those funds can be spent. (0 points)
K: Push through Senate rules making it mandatory for the Judicial Committee to vote on judicial nominees within 5 months of the nomination, and placing the nomination before the floor of the Senate within 6 months of the nomination regardless of the committee vote, and requiring a full recorded floor vote on all judicial nominations within 7 months of the original nomination (-1 point)

9. Pick your second and third priorities of the 2007 Democratic Congress from the list above. Take 50% and 25% of the point value respectively. If you can not figure out how many points that is because you took New Math in school, just take the full value.

OK. Add up your score. If you are incapable of adding up your score without an accountant because you took New Math in school, add 10 points to the total.

Score:
0 points – Sorry, you are not a moonbat. You will never be taken seriously by the mainstream press, but you don’t care. You voted for some Republicans last election.
1-20 points - Well, a little batty. You engage Conservatives in debates and lose, but everybody has a good time and goes out for a beer afterwards. You know what NPR is, but do not listen except on weekends so you can catch “Puzzlemasters”
21-40 points – People look at you a bit funny when you start talking, but that’s just because you are such an intelligent thinker. You voted Democrat in the last election, except for one Republican to show how thoughtful you are. You know Screwy Hooligans as a drinking buddy. You listen to NPR occasionally when the game is not on.
41-60 points – Getting into serious moonbat territory here. People respect you so much they give you *lots* of space when you start talking. You consider Jimmy Carter to be a successful president. You voted the straight Democratic ticket. You have a login on Daily Kos. You have NPR on a button on your car radio.
61-80 points – Full Moonbat. You consider Jimmy Carter to be a right-wing loon and Howard Dean to be a rational presidential choice. You voted for every Democrat you could find, except where a Green candidate was running. You moderate on the Daily Kos. Your car radio is stuck on NPR.
81-100+ points – Frothing Moonbat. You are Howard Dean. You give interviews on NPR. You not only voted for every Democrat you could find, you registered everybody you knew for an absentee ballot and “Helped” them vote. You tithe to Al Gore and the Church of the Boiling Earth.

2 Comments:

Blogger Georgfelis said...

After reading several of the Washington Post articles on Iraq, I have an additional quiz question:
10. You get your primary news about Iraq from:
A: DailyKOS/New York Times (10 points)
B: Indymedia.org and mediamatters.org (9 points)
C: The Comments section of the Washington Post (8 points)
D: CNN and MsNBC (7 points)
E: CBS (6 points)
F: NBC/ABC (4 points)
G: Other Mainstream Media (2 points)
H: Fox news, BlackFive, other warbloggers, etc (0 points)

I used to think KOS’s comments frothed with seething rage and idiocy, but the WaPo comments section just blew them away. At least their articles maintain a thread of sanity, that’s probably what drives the moonbats into their frothing rage, beating feverishly on their keyboards and hammering the CAPS LOCK key.

7:46 AM  
Blogger Duchess Of Austin said...

Loved your comments on CQ. Your idea for ACs apology rocked.

I'm sending your current post to a moonbat friend of mine who swears Bush allowed 9/11 to happen....

4:33 PM  

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