Tuesday, August 14, 2007

Rove Retires

I first saw that Karl Rove was retiring on the Captains Quarters blog , but when I went to write my comment it kind of expanded into a blog posting on its own.

(begin Tongue in Cheek mode)
In a response to the resignation of Karl Rove, the Democrats have offered the following concessions if he would agree to stay on an additional year:

Congress and the House would restrict themselves to only five (5) subpoenas per Democratic member per month instead of the normal twenty served to Mr. Rove. Previously filled out subpoenas will be bundled into paper logs and used to heat the Vice-Presidential residence as a source of alternative energy for the next six years.

Democratic members would be requested to turn in any voodoo dolls of Mr. Rove, as well as any pins in excess of twelve (12) inches long into the industrial-sized dumpster outside the building. The dartboard in the cloak room will remain and additional darts purchased to replace the ones pounded into the walls up to the fins.

Members of the press will restrain themselves while in the public eye from accusing Mr. Rove of any felonies or treasonous acts. There will be an exception for this in their news articles (of course) while misdemeanors and social errors may still be attributed to Mr. Rove via third parties or rumors.

Also both the press and Democratic members will in the future please restrain from throwing any stones in excess of 20 oz or the size of Mrs. Pelosi’s clenched fist at Mr. Rove or any immediate member of his family or his aides. That includes vehicles and residences. The stockpile of such stones will be found in Sen. Reid’s office, and have all been suitably examined and approved by Union representatives, and may be purchased at cost.

Acknowledgement will be made by both the House and Senate of Mr. Roves background as a homo sapiens, and any resolutions stripping him of human status will be removed from the floor. This also goes for resolutions criminalizing the title of Presidential Advisor, the last name of Rove, or Being Partially-Bald in Public.

It shall no longer be an offense punishable by defenestration to mention the name “Rove” without spitting, cursing, or kicking a dog while within the Capitol. Grinding teeth will still be permitted, and the Senate dental plan will be expanded to cover denture replacement not to exceed seven (7) sets per month.
(end Tongue in Cheek mode)

Congratulations Mr. Rove, I don’t know how you did it for so many years.


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