Wednesday, November 05, 2008

November 2008 Crystal Ball

Now that Obama has been elected, let me get my crystal ball out of the bowling ball bag I’ve kept it stored for the past couple years. It’s cracked a little, but maybe we can get something good out of it.

Georg’s Crystal Ball as of November, 2008

Foreign Policy

  • Israel will *not* nuke Iran within the next 2 months. However there will be an *incredible* amount of behind the scenes debate about the possibility. In a vain attempt to gather international approval, in the end the Israelis will grit their teeth and wait to be nuked before returning fire. Hamas will begin “test runs” of dummy bombs into Israel in preparation for the real thing.
  • Eavesdropping on foreign calls into the US for the purposes of preventing terrorist acts will continue. The NY Times will not report on it.
  • All of the foreign terrorists will be released from Gitmo to foreign countries, where they will return to the battlefield sporting fantastic tans and great abs. Guantomo Bay will be given back to Cuba. Castro will demand money to go along with it, to clean up the mess the Americans leave behind.
  • In order not to anger the Russians, SDI will be scotched, and any deployed antimissiles will be withdrawn. To show their appreciation, the Russians will take over management for the failed countries of Georgia, the Ukraine, and one other country to be named at a later date.
  • Bin Laden will remain uncaptured, but will die of old age. Dems will declare victory.
  • The US will withdraw totally from Iraq and Afghanistan. Both countries will plunge into full-fledged civil war. The Dem reaction will be able to be paraphrased as “Whew, good thing we got out when we did or we would be caught in that.”
  • Billions of dollars in military budget will be transferred into social programs, which will not have a significant impact on reducing poverty. Dems will still claim more money is needed. Billions of these dollars will go to foreign aid. These countries will still hate us.

    Politics
  • A lot of judges will get appointed who believe the Constitution is unimportant. This will not begin to screw us up for years down the road. Probably two of them will be Liberal Supremes. Their replacements will be Liberal-er. Abortion law will remain unchanged.
  • Millions of dollars will be found to have been illegally contributed to the O campaign by way of Visa. The press will yawn. A few thousand will get given back. Nobody will go to jail.
  • All the fuss about illegal voters, fraudulent registrations, people who are on tape about voting twice, etc… will fade into the background. ACORN will collect a nice chunk of change post-election and get all set up to do it again in four years.
  • At least one Republican will be found to have been denied their election by fraudulent votes. The press will run a brief story on page 12.
  • Republicans in the Senate unite behind a leader and form a filibuster blocking group which prevents the most egregious of the Dems plans from going forward. It eventually breaks down as Sen. McCain leaves and votes with the Dems. (Like last time too)
  • Senate Majority Leader Hillary Clinton will announce new massive health care legislation which will double in size by the time it passes Congress, resulting in an incomprehensibly twisted snarl of laws that doctors must negotiate in order to treat patients. The Dems express shock as Health Care costs rise.
  • Illegal Immigrants will suddenly become US citizens. Nobody will quite know how, but INS will begin handing out green cards stapled to Democratic voting registration cards.
  • An unofficial list of rates will begin circulating in Washington, listing the amount of Democratic political contributions it will take to get your company government contracts, H1B visas, etc…. Republican contributions by your company will suddenly become unofficially a reason to kick you from the same contracts.
  • Yet another Assault Weapons ban will go thru Congress, defining them so broadly as to include about anything that goes *bang*. Some Republicans actually vote for it, explaining that it will be held unconstitutional. They are wrong.


    Economy
  • The economy will continue a downward plummet as anybody with capital gains gets them out before Jan. The Dems pass another Ex Post Facto tax increase in February, raising cap gains back to Jan 1, 2009. Despite its unconstutionalisty, it remains in force. (Just like last time)
  • My taxes will go up, despite the fact I only make a fraction of that 250k number that was so handily waved about. I will get a check from the federal government, but it will be for only about half of my increase (Here’s your $1000 check, that will be $2000 please).
  • Carbon dioxide legislation will “breeze” thru congress and get signed into law. Gas, electricity, and other energy costs will begin skyrocketing. People who buy plug-in hybrids will suddenly wonder why they are not saving money.
  • Gas prices will start back up the ladder as oil companies discover that regulation means it is cheaper to import all oil as refined products than to attempt to produce it here.
  • Immigrants begin sneaking back home in order to get good paying jobs at Mexican oil refineries/oil fields. So do Americans.
  • Inflation will begin roaring back. Congress will attempt to squelch it by printing more money, borrowing more, and taxing more. Unemployment will soon follow until they both hit double-digits. The phrase “Carter” will begin to be used in the same sentence as “Obama” a lot more.

Comments welcome.

3 Comments:

Blogger clint said...

Isn't it traditional to include a few humorous ones in the list?

1:15 PM  
Blogger Punditarian said...

Or at least one or two exaggerations?

5:24 PM  
Blogger Georgfelis said...

Well, trying to be accurate, with a sprinkling of Irony, a touch of Gloom, and a pinch of Wit. Unfortunately I only have half a wit...

9:48 PM  

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